Maybe We’re Not Friends

“Oh my God if I see one more picture of your kid or those damn abandoned dogs in my news feed!”

What? What are you going to do about it? Talk shit about me? Wish for a ‘dislike’ button? Maybe what you should do is delete me because I’m kind of thinking maybe we aren’t friends.

Last I checked, friends (meaning actual people who care about one another and value each other in some way) applaud the other’s acts of kindness, support areas of interest and feel joy when they see their friends’ happiness. But, there’s a big difference in Facebook friends and real friends I suppose.

So I posted a picture of my toddler scooping dog food. It made me laugh.  It made me realize that at 18 months old, she is learning how to care for animals. It made me proud.  I had my phone close by and snapped a picture that would be perfect for her baby book.  Almost instinctively I clicked “share” because this moment brought me happiness and I can think of at least 10 friends and family members who would also get some joy out of seeing it.  Not every single thing I post is just for you.

post maria photo

Later that day while sitting in my car waiting to pick up my pre-schooler I scrolled through Facebook.  I saw a picture of an emaciated mastiff that a rescue group I follow was trying to help.  Ding! I know at least 10 people who would donate or literally pray (not just type “praying for you”) for this animal.  Shit, I can think of a few who may even want to adopt  this type of dog. Shared! Oh look, that puppy who was thrown out of a moving truck has healed and is up for adoption now! Maybe one of the 345 people on my Friends list is looking for a puppy. Shared!

post puppy imageHere comes my son. What’s he waving around as he runs to me?  Oh my God, he wrote his name. And it is damn near legible this time! I gotta get a pic of this. Shared! Awww, look what my Time Hop app showed me today, they were so little a year ago! My uncles in New York and my brother who lives 5 minutes away but I only see 3 times a year, would probably like to see how much they’ve grown.  Shared!

timehop screen print

I also probably shared a political story and a picture of a dress I just learned how to sew.

Oh I’m sorry, did that annoy you? Was your news feed clogged with my life moments and interests? Well here’s an idea – scroll on by if you don’t like it.  Better yet, reconsider our friendship.  Why do you even have me on your friends list? If pictures (albeit many, many pictures) of kids and animals bother you, I’m thinking we don’t have much in common. If my foul language (especially when used in a moment of mommy-rage) offends you or if you can’t look at my posts and think to yourself, “there’s a friend of mine who spends quality time with her kids and tries to make a difference in the lives of needy animals. I like that about her.” then maybe we’re not friends.

I’ll tell you what you won’t see on my page — vague, attention seeking status updates that say things like,  “You think you know people!” or “Don’t even ask.”  You won’t see me going on a selfie marathon. You WON’T see me complaining publicly about my husband, my mom or anyone else who deserves any amount of respect and I will not be sharing my dirty laundry (figuratively speaking, that is).   Now if you use Facebook for these purposes, that’s your prerogative.  I would suggest you surround yourself with people who either have similar interests or truly care about you, otherwise guess what? You are the annoying poster.