How You Know You’re NOT A First-Time-Mom

1. Because babies get rashes and you’ve accepted it. No need for 5 trips to the ped and a specialist referral to know it’s eczema … it’s always eczema.

2. Because you don’t give a single F what anyone says about bottle feeding vs. breastfeeding.

3.  Because there is a difference between whining, crying and screaming in pain and you can decipher which is which in your sleep.

4.  Because if a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the only thing your kid eats for breakfast, lunch and dinner for 3 days in a row, so what?

5.  Because you no longer feel like everyone is staring at you and judging your every move during a full-blown Target meltdown. And if they are – tough shit.

6.  Because you know the saying, “this too shall pass” is true.

7.  Because as long as poop isn’t bloody or happening 8-10 times a day, you don’t need to talk about it.

8.  Because hand-me-downs and consignment shops are the bomb.

9. Because you only carry ONE mini bottle of hand sanitizer, and usually forget you even have it.

10. Because you know that the only time you really need to worry is when things get quiet.

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