Written by Guest Blogger (and friend) Jason McLeod

Dear Single Ladies,

I would like to answer a few of your questions regarding my status as a single dad.

1.        No, I will not “skip” a weekend with my kids so I can take you to a concert.  If something important comes up, I can “switch” but a date  is not one of those instances

2.       No, I don’t hate planning my social schedule around my visitation schedule

3.       No, I am not going to get my vasectomy reversed

4.       Yes, I am aware of how much money I could have if I didn’t pay tuition.

5.       Yes, I know my boys could share a room.

6.       No, I don’t mind the Art Table in my living room.

7.       Yes, I think the tortoises are cool and No, I don’t think they should have to live upstairs.

8.       No, you cannot sneak over after my kids are in bed.

9.       No, I will not “just get a sitter”  I am the sitter.

10.   Yes, I think your skirt is too short and you are showing too much cleavage.

11.   No, I don’t want to do shots.  I am out of college, and not homeless and cannot afford a DUI or bar fight.

12.   Yes, I will go home with you on the first date, but please do not expect a second date.

13.   Yes, I do talk to everyone around me, but just because I made the bartender laugh doesn’t mean I want to leave my genetic material in her car.

14.   No, I will not text you if I am giving my full attention to my kids, patients, friends, family ect… But don’t fret, I will show you the same courtesy

15.   No, I do not want to be in a couple’s selfie since we just met.  I don’t want snap chats of your 4:00am Waffle House Breakfast either

16.   Yes, I do insist on the use of condoms, no, I don’t think you have a disease, but I also don’t know where you have been.

17.   Yes, it is important for me to pick up the check.  There need not be discussion.  I invited you, I insist.  If you don’t come off your meds, maybe we will transition in to Dutch dining, but not tonight

18.   Yes, I think powdered cocaine is still cocaine and is not an “Acceptable” drug.

19.   No, I will not walk you around on a leash

20.   No, you do not look like your profile pic.  You are a decade older and 3 large concrete bags heavier than the pic you posted from 1994.

21.   No, I won’t buy your girlfriend and her boyfriend drinks because they are having a “difficult time”

22.   Yes, having a husband is typically a deal breaker for me.  I’ve been shot once and that is plenty for me.

23.   No, I don’t mind that you have kids, I do mind if they are wards of the state or if you moved 3 states away from them.

24.   No, I will not call you names.  But I expect the same.  If you are classy I may use terms like: Beautiful, sexy, cute , pretty, gorgeous, radiant, smart, witty, funny, fun, provocative, ambitious, and amazing.

25.   No, I am not a douche.  Do I smell like vinegar?

26.   Yes, It matters if you are employed. (unless you are rich)

27.   Yes, how you treat strangers matters to me.  Especially if one of those strangers is my sister

28.   Yes, I do think personal and dental hygiene is important.  Are those Fritos on your toes?  I love the scent of a woman, but only when she smells like a woman.

29.   No, I will not loan you rent money

30.   No, I am not “hard up”  or “desperate”  If you are older than my mom, have track marks on your arm, are homeless, still live with your boyfriend or husband, don’t like kids, won’t use condoms, starred in a porn, danced on a pole, have a prison tattoo, have a guy’s name tattoo, have a naked person tattoo, have more than 8 tattoos, missing multiple teeth, had a penis, have a penis,  are an Islamic fundamentalist, anti-military, anti-gay, anti-gun, anti-American, anti-dogs, have multiple sores on your lips or genitalia, can’t see your toes, don’t own a bra or a car, can’t read, can’t write, can’t vote, can’t buy alcohol, or go within 500 feet of an elementary school then I probably will not want to date you.  Just consider it a personal preference.

I hope this answers many of your questions.

****************************************************************************************************************

I would like to Send the Bus to Jason.   Let’s fill it with a beautiful, traditional, femininely-flowerly smelling, kind, outgoing, self respecting and witty single mother… along with her respectful and fun, friendly child, a bottle of bubbly and top it off with a big old confetti explosion! The bus in on it’s way!

To see new blog posts and status updates that will make you pee your pants,  like Send the Bus on Facebook.

 

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3 thoughts on “A Letter To the Women of the Dating World, From a Single {Awesome} Dad

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