1. Take up the family restroom.
Yes I will stand right outside of it and loudly tell my baby “Awww honey, Mommy knows your ass is on fire and I’m sorry you’re sitting in that poppy diaper so long- but someone else is in the big bathroom so we have to wait.
2. Talk to me through my child.
Don’t turn on the cutsie-wootsie baby voice and tell my baby, “You poor wittle thing, you need to tell your mommy your feet are cold”. Back the F up!! I’ve put these damn things on her feet 17 times and instead of adding another shoe to the single collection, I threw them in the stroller basket. Not that it’s any of your business.
3. Ask me (loudly) if my kid can have candy as you start handing it to him. First of all, I’m sorta teaching this thing about taking candy from strangers- even at the bank. Also, I’m the one who will be peeling that half-chewed lollipop off the seat of my car and peeling my kid off the ceiling thanks to the sugar rush.
4. Huff and puff and act generally annoyed when YOU’RE the one in a kid friendly area.
If you don’t like your chair getting bumped when my kid is opening and closing the door to the play area at Chick Fil A – PICK A DIFFERENT SEAT.
5. Cruise through a stop sign in the grocery store parking lot.
Seriously!!? How exactly do you not see this full shopping cart practically pulling me down the ramp while I’m wearing a baby on my chest and holding the hand of my 4 year old who is jumping, falling and stopping because he dropped his special piece of paper (aka a receipt from Wendy’s drive through)? Trust me, when our 2 worlds collide you will be the one leaving with more damage.
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